Why Play Is Hard for Grown-Ups

And why that’s not a personal failing

At Tiny Green Learning, we talk a lot about the importance of play—for children, for families, and for communities. Play is often described as joyful, natural, and intuitive. And yet, many grown-ups quietly experience play as something else entirely: awkward, boring, overstimulating, frustrating, or oddly stressful.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

One of the most common things we hear from parents and caregivers is this:“I want to play with my child—but staying present is so hard." This isn’t because adults don’t care. It’s because play asks for something most grown-ups have not been supported to practice.

Play requires presence without productivity

Much of adult life is organized around outcomes. We are rewarded for efficiency, improvement, multitasking, and visible results. Even in caring roles, we’re often expected to do something: teach, guide, manage, correct, optimize.

Play asks us to confront how deeply we’ve been trained to expect productivity—even in moments meant for connection.

When we play with children, there is often no clear goal. Nothing to finish. No evidence that the time was “well spent.” And for many adults, that absence can feel deeply uncomfortable. We start wondering if we should be doing something more useful. That discomfort isn’t a character flaw. It’s a nervous system response to unfamiliar territory.

Play surfaces tension we’re usually allowed to avoid

Play can be surprisingly exposing. It can bring up:

• A fear of losing control

• Discomfort with mess or unpredictability

• Sensory overwhelm

• Old beliefs about what “good parenting” looks like

• A sense of being unneeded or invisible

  
  

None of this means play is failing. It means play is honest. Children don’t ask adults to perform competence when they play. They ask us to be available. And availability—without agenda or outcome—can feel vulnerable.

A different way of approaching play

This belief is what led us to create The Presence Play Collection—a set of self-paced, reflection-centered play practices designed specifically for grown-ups.

These offerings are not activity lists. They don’t ask you to manufacture joy or turn play into another task to manage. Instead, they invite adults to notice what shows up during play—especially tension—and to stay just a little longer than feels comfortable.

Each series is built on a simple idea: Noticing is the practice.

Over 14 days, families are invited into short, manageable play moments paired with reflection and permission. There’s no expectation to complete every day or feel good every time. Missed days still count. Repetition is welcome. Slowness is allowed.

Because real change doesn’t come from doing play “better.”It comes from reducing the pressure that pulls us away from it.

The Presence Play Collection is launching soon for families who want play to feel more present and less pressured.